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Man tried to stab an Uphams Corner store clerk who wouldn't sell him tobacco and when he failed, hit him with a Hot Pocket, police say
By adamg on Sun, 10/27/2024 - 3:08pm
Boston Police report looking for a man they say tried to stab a clerk at the Uphams Corner Market, 521 Columbia Rd., 521 Columbia Road in Dorchester, failed, then whacked him with a Hot Pocket.
Police say the man, described as 5'1," was enraged because he had no ID and so the clerk refused to sell him a tobacco product, around 7:15 a.m. on Oct. 19. He then then ran out of the store, police say.
If he looks familiar, contact detectives at 617) 343-4275 or the anonymous tip line by calling 800-494-TIPS or by texting TIP to CRIME (27463). If found, he could face charges that would include assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, to wit, a Hot Pocket, and assault with a dangerous weapon, to wit, a knife.
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Comments
Assault and Battery with a Dangerous Weapon (Hot Pocket)
I'm sure Hot Pockets aren't the healthiest of foods, but this seems a stretch on the part of the officers.
Very subjective
Was it frozen? How long was it in the microwave? Was it at molten lava stage?
Did you miss this part?
That's a direct quote from the BPD report
Follow the link.
Expert testimony needed
How long do you have to nuke it in order to have a weapons grade Hot Pocket?
Not very
Still, for pure lethal power, Hot Pockets can't possibly compare with a McDonald's apple pie.
Austin Powers is suddenly
Austin Powers is suddenly running through my head…
“Would you like a Hot Pocket?”