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Oh, neato: Globe delivery company's Web site is now up and it's fully buzzword compliant

By adamg on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 7:36am

Just take a look at ACI Last Mile's page for would be publisher customers:

Our Systems Get the Job Done Efficiently

  • A highly trusted team of well-respected and recognized industry leaders
  • Responsive and reliable customer service is deeply engrained in our culture
  • We employ unique operating efficiencies due to the scale and scope of our business
  • Superior technology for routing, reporting, analysis and workflow administration
  • An innovative operating model based on leveraging our independent distributor network
  • Low risk due to our "best in class" business model and operational philosophy
  • Cutting-edge "End Result" verification of delivery
  • Highly customized delivery programs
  • We live and breathe our core values of Integrity, Innovation and Customer Service

Maureen Rogers, a professional marketer, is not amused:

[W]hen I read ACI's web copy - and realize how many of those magic words I've used over the years: recognized industry leader, unmatched - okay, I'd say unparalleled - experience, unique operating efficiencies, superior technology, best in class, cutting-edge - okay, I'd say leading-edge - I'm a tiny bit embarrassed for the marketing profession.

Topics: 
Media
Free tagging: 
Boston Globe


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Comments

By theszak on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 12:06pm.

Who are the leaders of the Distribution company for the Boston Globe?... scroll down at
http://acilastmile.com/about-us/

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By anon on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 9:24am.

The Sec of States Business database their listed as a Foreign LLC domiciled in CA.

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By Elmer on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 4:29pm.

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By John-W on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 8:01am.

embarrassed? for the marketing profession? Do professional bullshitters feel regret?

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By anon on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 8:35am.

Speaking as someone who once worked in marketing for a Fortune 500 company, I can confirm that "professional bullshit" is an accurate description. An even more precise definition is "lying".

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By dmcboston on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 10:06am.

...they should roll with Elastic Band Carrigan. He's been around forever. Doesn't need GPS to find route 9.

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By chaosjake on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 4:34pm.

What is the deal with Elastic Band Carrigan? One of those vans parks in my neighborhood.

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By JonThompson on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 8:11am.

It doesn't bode well when their customer list is a list of missing images. Perhaps they are with everyones missing copies of the globe.

screenshot

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By Perry on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 9:15am.

"We employ unique operating efficiencies due to the scale and scope of our business"
We don't actually deliver anything, dramatically improving our operating efficiency (and our gas mileage)

"An innovative operating model based on leveraging our independent distributor network"
We "innovated" on a process that 8-year-olds have been successful at for a hundred years

"Cutting-edge “End Result” verification of delivery"
We use box-cutters to open the bundles of newspapers, which are then delivered to our furnace, improving our heating efficiency.

"If you are looking for a new or better delivery system, we want to talk to you."
God knows we want to talk to you, too...

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By John-W on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 12:05pm.

"An innovative operating model based on leveraging our independent distributor network"

"We screw over immigrants driving shitboxes and other folks willing to blow their own gas at god-awful hours to make us money."

Actually I take a bit of that back -- most immigrants I know are driving far better cars than my shitbox.

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By anon on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 12:47pm.

http://acilastmile.com/about-us/

They claim to be a "disruptive innovator". I guess "disruptive" is supposed to be a good thing in today's uberiffic market. But the traditional meaning is more applicable to the Globe situation"

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By anon on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 9:51am.

Let me guess the company is managed by former MBTA managers?

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By KellyJMF on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 10:02am.

Well now I've got this Weird Al song stuck in my head. Again.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&so...

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By JT on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 10:24am.

2016 winner of the Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence Award.

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By anon on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 10:30am.

www.amazon.com/Business-People-Speak-Like-Idiots/dp/0743269098

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By Spatch on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 10:32am.

Boy, that's a lot of words to get around having to say something responsible and committed, like "We'll make sure you get your daily newspaper".

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By DebGeisler on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 11:03am.

...in "We Deliver for the Best." Is this a derisive comment on the quality of the Globe, or a tacit admission that they just don't deliver?

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By FootPad on Tue, 01/05/2016 - 3:50pm.

generate your own buzzwords to describe yourself, your business, or anything you want. Just spend a few minutes here

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html

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